


pillowtalk

by mimsical, seb



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Actual Sexting, Cybersex, Friends to Lovers, Ironic Sexting, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 23:29:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17069246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimsical/pseuds/mimsical, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seb/pseuds/seb
Summary: In which Dirk and Jake stumble into a relationship while four time zones and half an ocean apart.





	pillowtalk

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was written rp-style, with mimsical writing the part of Jake, and seb writing the part of Dirk!

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 21:49 --

GT: Youre not going to sleep already are you?? It hardly qualifies as the wee hours of the morning for you yet!  
TT: Not quite. Got a Roomba to up the defenses on. Can't let the old man have ankles.  
GT: Haha hell yes.   
GT: Stick it to the man! He doesnt need ankles not in the face of KILLER ROBOTS.   
GT: Have you named it yet? Your new little pet project i mean.  
TT: I have a few ideas. You interested in adding to the pile?  
TT: Movie references allowed, for now.  
GT: Hmmmm! Eve ix? Good old fashioned warbeast?   
GT: Ooh what about samantha after that flick with the exploding head? Man that one was gruesome maybe not exactly the vibe youre going for.  
TT: No, I think you're on to something.  
TT: Maybe the old man will appreciate it after he gets over his bloody defeat.  
TT: What are you up to?  
GT: Oh nothing much. Grandma holed herself up in her office to skype some investors or somesuch i didnt really pay enough attention to know exactly what shes up to. But since shes gone for the eve im just in my room talking to you obviously.   
GT: I might watch a movie later but ive come to no conclusive conclusions yet really.  
TT: No conclusive conclusions. Sounds tough.  
TT: Even though movies always seem to be the conclusion for you.  
TT: Don't you have a gun to polish?  
GT: Boy do i ever. Grandmas been on a whole maintenance and upkeep kick this whole past week and its been a real nuisance at turns if i can say as much.   
GT: But i know youre much more for the long and slender rather than stout and powerful. So tell me are you by chance attaching any knife or daggerlike protrusions to that poor robot?  
TT: Of course I am. How else am I supposed to increase his defenses?  
TT: Nothing too flashy, just a few pocket knives, strategically arranged to achieve maximum protection.  
GT: Nothing too flashy hm? Never took you for a coward but just goes to show that one never really knows a person. No pizzazz or anything? Such a dullard of a friend im forced to associate with.  
TT: Jake.  
TT: You’ve opened my eyes.  
TT: How foolish of me to belittle poor Sammy. He deserves only the finest of blades. A katana of his own. I will take him under my wing, train him until he masters the arts. Only then will I let him roam free around the apartment, daring anyone to cross his path.  
TT: That or some confetti.  
GT: I see your katana and raise you this:  
GT: A katana that shoots confetti!  
GT: Confettana?  
GT: Anyway other than bedazzling poor sammy what are you up to this fine evening?  
TT: A confettana canon sounds great. I’ll start working on it ASAP.  
TT: Nothing much other than fortifying my dear robot. Talking to my best bro. Contemplating sleep.  
GT: More like contemplating abandoning me in favor of the embrace of mr sandman! Claiming to be my best bro and then suggesting jilting me in the same breath.   
GT: Forsaken! Spurned! Here you are giving me the old heave ho while i weep the silent tears of the resigned and heartbroken.   
GT: Diiiirk im so bored dont sleep yet.  
GT: *Dramatically collapses in slow motion*  
GT: Assist me strider how can i lure you into an agreement of no doubt folly to stay up to an absurd hour for the purpose of keeping yours truly company.  
TT: Alright, alright. Sammy is down.  
TT: You have my full attention until you fall asleep.  
TT: Happy?  
GT: Ecstatic in fact!  
GT: You have singlehandedly saved my woebegone life from the trenches of lonesome misery. I owe you my life sir. How ever shall i repay you?  
TT: I thought you were the movie expert here.  
TT: Like any damsel in distress, you reward your knight in shining armor with your hand in marriage.  
TT: Or a song that everyone else somehow knows. Either or is good.  
GT: Marriage? Good gracious!   
GT: How could i marry a man that i havent yet shared true loves kiss with??  
GT: Excuse me mr dj could you please play the soundtrack now that would be much appreciated *clears throat and prepares to sing*  
TT: The soundtrack better be the bridal chorus.  
TT: I'm waiting at the end of the aisle, Jake. Fancy suit and everything.  
TT: I'll rap my vows, you can sing your song, fireworks will go off when we share true love's first kiss.  
TT: Perfection, if you ask me.  
GT: Goodness! Moving rather fast arent we. Us damn millenialites of the modern age dont have time for long courtships anyway. Death to romance! Forget the friendzone we can just take a leap directly into the husbandzone and settle in all hunky dory for the long haul and tax breaks eh?  
GT: Good thing im a us citizen or you really would have to marry me haha.   
GT: Erm if i was going to visit for longer then a few weeks i mean because id be on a visa. You could always deep six me on the divorce lawyers doorstep the moment i got citizenship i spose and thoroughly wash your hands of me but NEEDLESS TO SAY youre stuck with me.   
GT: Because i am already a citizen not because divorce is illegal because it isnt and also were not engaged in holy matrimony despite what this chat log might imply.  
TT: Didn't know you had so much knowledge about citizenship and visiting rights.  
TT: Is there something you're not telling me?  
TT: Or someone you're not telling me about, to reject my marriage proposal so blatantly?  
TT: If you're going to break my heart you can at least give me all the dirty details in the process.  
GT: Im sorry you had to learn it this way dirk.   
GT: Ive been seeing your brother behind your back and were getting married next week. Roxy is my best man sorry to pick her over you bro but you just didnt make the cut.   
GT: Can you ever forgive me? :(8  
TT: Gasp.  
TT: I've been, as you would say, bamboozled by those I love the most.  
TT: My own brother and best friend, behind my back. And no one had the nerve to tell me?  
TT: For shame. I think it's my duty to crash this wedding.   
TT: For my own honor and for your hand.  
TT: Sammy's coming with.  
GT: Oh well i mean if its just my hand you want then whats all the fuss about its not like i really need two do i? Just take the left if you please you know im not quite as ambidextrous as some people i could name but wont because i do have a sense of propriety believe it or not.   
GT: But if you want ALL of me then i suppose youll have to have sammy put up his cuspidated dukes and take your bro out at the ankles so you can have enough time to try on an old fashioned objection and see if you can persuade me to throw him over.   
GT: Im a real mans man and hes a whole awful lot of man if you get my meaning so itll have to be a good argument!  
TT: Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?  
TT: Best friend material but not husband material?  
TT: I'm hurt. Utterly defeated. I thought we had something going.  
TT: After all these years of friendship, I'm ditched for my older, hotter bro, huh?  
TT: All the movies I've sat through with you, all the robros we've raised together.  
TT: D Fucking Strider wins out once again.  
GT: The truth is that this has all been a long ploy to get myself onto the esteemed filmmaking grounds of sbahj. You were only ever an intermediary now tragically cast aside to moulder in obscurity.   
GT: Sorry dirk but a gents gotta have ambitions sometimes!  
TT: I see. I'm just a background character to your story. I get it.  
TT: But when that asshole kicks you on the curb, don't come crying to me.  
TT: Or do, because friendship is magic and it lasts forever.  
TT: And I, unlike some people, would never ditch you for fame and fortune.  
GT: Swoon!!!  
GT: Maybe you were the real heartthrob all along then eh?   
GT: What say you? Think you can help me repair this broken heart that your brother so callously rent in two?  
TT: Of course, what else is a best friend for?  
TT: And your rightful husband, of course.  
TT: Who can also get you into a SBAHJ production or two.  
GT: Oh would you really?   
GT: Righto in all seriousness i know grandma is planning a trip stateside sometime relatively soon and i was er perhaps entertaining a few thoughts about coming along? Im not sure shes going to la but well.   
GT: Keep buttering me up like that and i could be persuaded to deviate from her intended course and drop by your way for a bit?  
TT: Consider yourself slathered.  
TT: We've got an extra room and more than enough takeout to sustain you.  
TT: You don't have to use your grandma as an excuse to see me, you know. Could just hop on out here yourself.  
TT: And you're calling me the coward. Can't even admit you want to drool over my bro in person.  
GT: Oh well i suppose yes. Its just a hassle traveling anywhere from here really. There arent many airports around here you know!  
GT: I was also turning over the idea of having you out here sometime. Or janey and roxy too i mean. But we certainly have the room for it. And besides it would be fun! Theres a waterfall we could have a dip in and its very pristine not like any of that chlorinated city gunk youre used to im sure. You do have a pool dont you?  
TT: I'll have you know I greatly enjoy my chlorinated and carefully maintained pool at the old man's mansion-house that is too big for the both of us, thanks.  
TT: Freshwater does sound nice though. Refreshing. Daring.   
TT: Bet a coward wouldn't take a ride down a waterfall.  
TT: Especially while skinnydipping.  
TT: And yes, that's a challenge.  
GT: Ill have you know that i have taken many a sky clad leap off a waterfall so youll have a lot of diving to do if you want to catch up!   
GT: But i would be more than glad to push you off *clears throat vigorously* I MEAN jump off waterfalls WITH you even in the nude as it were.   
GT: But do you know what i bet a coward wouldnt do? I bet he wouldnt have the moxie to sneak into someone elses pool to go skinnydipping.  
TT: Been there, done that, big boy.  
TT: Rich neighborhoods are the most fun to do that in. No one really notices until the cleaning lady sees you through the window and screams.  
TT: And then the poolboy fishes your boxers out the next day.  
TT: We'll see about taking a dip in some poor bastard's pool when you visit. Maybe even do a pool crawl.  
GT: Hell yes! I knew you were the best my man.   
GT: We will freeball the hell out of these poor unsuspecting suburban paradises.   
GT: Hey  
GT: Hey dirk would you say that we will...  
GT: Make it hapen?  
TT: Oh, you know it.  
TT: Where doing it man.  
TT: Or, we will be. Once you get your ass into the 'states and take a nap.  
TT: Can't have you dragging me behind because you're jetlagged to hell and back. Though I don't think I could leave you in the dust with your goods out for the cleaning lady to find.  
TT: Wow, when you get here, you can even meet Sammy.  
GT: Ooh yes i must meet little sammy! Am i the godfather then? Or are we coparenting yet another sweet robot offspring together?   
GT: Though relatedly erm i was wondering if when i come to see you...  
GT: Ah actually never mind.  
TT: Coparenting. You named the thing, you are as responsible for its destruction as much as I am.  
TT: What about when you visit?  
TT: Can't get me excited then leave me hanging, dude.  
TT: Are you hoping to make sweet, sweet robots together?  
GT: Um yes absolutely we should wreak all sorts of robotic havoc on your abode. That is exactly what im hoping to do with you!  
GT: Together we will make your brother rue the day he ever opened his doors to the duo of terror we shall be until he turns us out on our collective asses.   
GT: So to speak!  
TT: LA is your oyster. I'm up for anything and everything to keep you sated.  
TT: I know you're a man with adventurous tastes and lazing around won't do the trick.  
TT: Bring your best, English.  
GT: Haha well i do have quite a wide palate! Ive got a lot of stamina for adventurous things you know itll take a lot to tucker me out.   
GT: Oh oh we should scrum! Dirk come on weve been talking about it for ages lets go a round when im in town! Nothing like two gents of well repute getting down and dirty with each other right??  
TT: As if one round will satisfy you.  
TT: With all the talk we've been doing, it'll be a few before you're tapping out. But you've got yourself a deal.  
TT: Actually, make that a promise. You walk off the plane, we throw down in the airport, and bro drags us back to the house by our ears.  
TT: That all you had in mind?  
GT: Um!  
GT: *Tugs at collar*   
GT: Well ive listed a number of things im interested in doing you while im there so what about you? Anything in particular in mind?  
GT: WITH! Doing *WITH* you.  
TT: Sounded better the first time around but I'll let it slide.  
TT: We could play golf and aim for people's cars. Crash a party; meaning bro gets me in and I bring my plus one. Or we could actually crash it.  
TT: You might like to go hiking. Runyon Canyon has a great view, especially at sunset.  
TT: Really set the mood, you know.  
GT: Hmm i dunno.  
GT: I have to say strider this is beginning to sound like a proposition of sorts? Would you say youre propositioning me right now? If you were to ironically quantify the degree of sincerity in this proposition how would you do so?   
GT: Or do you treat all your best pals to sunlit strolls and have just been cruelly depriving me all this time, is that it?  
TT: Sincerity is at an all time high. Up 40%. Record-breaking stats.  
TT: I am absolutely propositioning you to have a good time when you come visit me.  
TT: And no, long walks on the rocks at sunset are reserved for best bros only.  
TT: Specifically, the best bro, who so happens to be you. Consider yourself lucky.   
TT: If you'd like to decline the proposal, please do so gently. I am still recovering from your betrothal to my brother.  
GT: Now how could i ever say no to such a rare display of sincere affection from my likewise best bro.  
GT: I would be more than happy to accompany you on this venture. Delighted even you could say! In fact would you look at that the sun is setting and here i am talking to you like a little appetizer before we dig into the full event.   
GT: Should i succeed in bringing you out to the island we will have to schedule a followup event on the beach. Seems only logical.  
TT: Seems good to me, even though it does sound suspiciously like a proposal.  
TT: You putting the moves on me? Going to take me to dinner after? Or are we skipping that part altogether?  
TT: Why, Mr. English, I'm flattered. I'm swooning in my seat. You know just how to woo me. Beaches. Waterfalls. Skinnydipping. The works.  
GT: I sincerely hope im not being too forward. It would be a bit of a dash to the old ego if you balked when i tried to put a hand on your knee.   
GT: Though its true we would encounter trouble if you insisted on being wined and dined first on account of a distinct lack of classy restaurants on this isle with its grand population of exactly two.   
GT: We could have a picnic? Picnics are a good traditional courting method i think. Good for stretching out under a shady tree with just enough distance from chaperones to get a little handsy without being caught arent they? ;)8  
TT: A picnic sounds great, the handsy part sounds better. Dare I ask,  
TT: Will I be able to look forward to the real snack?  
TT: That is, you.   
TT: Get it.   
TT: Will it be a fancy meal? I need to start planning for it now. Get me a nice button-up and tie. Some slacks. A coat to throw over my shoulder.   
TT: Or is it more casual? Saturday casual, or work casual? Jeans or shorts?  
TT: Don’t say shorts just for the ass factor.  
GT: Whatever your preferred swim outfit is will obviously be the dress code.   
GT: As established i prefer to do my outdoor bathing au naturel which is all for the better for you isn’t it now?  
GT: Picnic? Did you think i meant food? Oh no my friend. As requested your meal today is me.   
GT: I will lay myself out like a voluptuous nude lady across a grand piano for your dining purposes.   
GT: My only request is that you refrain from licking the soles of my feet. Theyre awful ticklish.  
TT: Certainly makes the meal a lot easier.  
TT: A lot more interesting if I join you in streaking through the jungle you call home.  
TT: I'll stay away from the feet. The goods are farther up, anyway.   
TT: Are the goods the fruit I bring to lay on your welcoming, naked body, or something else? That's your call.  
TT: In return, I ask you to not make fun of my baby-smooth chest and jaw. I am happy with my lack of body hair and will not have you ridiculing me for it.  
GT: I will not tease you for your lack of fur despite claims to the grand title of being a furry i promise.   
GT: So youre interested in the goods then?  
TT: My lack of chest hair does not make me any less of a furry. Do not disrespect the king.   
TT: Who wouldn’t be interested in those goods?  
TT: I imagine the fruit is fresh and delicious on the island.  
TT: The pretty boys, too.   
TT: Depends on which goods we’re talking about, I suppose.  
GT: Haha my grandma does have a knack for fruit trees its true.   
GT: And are you suggesting im fresh an delicious? Because the only other boy around is bec who assure you that is certainly not fresh and i would astonished if you found his ample flesh delicious.   
GT: But um.   
GT: *Nervously wrings kerchief*  
GT: Though i know this treads dangerously close to impugning on the ironic code of honor you and your brother hold so dear but i hope it would not be too strange if i was indeed perhaps inquiring after the level of prestige you have often if jokingly implicated myself to hold up in that great noggin of yours?  
TT: There is no one more legendary than you, bro.  
TT: Top of the charts. Get with it.  
TT: Irony aside,  
TT: I do enjoy talking to and spending time with you.  
TT: Being able to do so in person would truly make me swoon.  
TT: You ready to catch me?  
GT: Haha! Of course!  
GT: Whats a bro for but to catch you when you feel faint at the notion of exchanging a pleasant round of chitchatting with a favored individual?  
GT: Um so yes.   
GT: I am likewise very fond of you even when you go off on your ridiculous tangential soliloquys.  
TT: Don’t get me wrong, I am continuously swooning when we chat.  
TT: But there are some other times, too.  
TT: For example: thinking about you coming to visit.  
TT: *Swoon.*  
TT: So dreamy, that Jake English.   
TT: Can’t wait to do scandalous things with him while he’s here.  
GT: Scandalous huh? I think youd best expand upon this subject.   
GT: And leave no detail left to the whims of imagination! I want a vivid picture here go on now.  
TT: Of course. How could I be so vague.  
TT: Scandalous, meaning our hot, sweaty bodies pressed against the wall as we scoot our way out of a club uptown after dancing for hours. Our clothes draped over the back seat of my car while we skinnydip in the neighbour's pool. Our slick, wet hands clasped together as as soon as we're caught, running like hell into my backyard. The gentle caress of the towel on each of our bodies and a change of clothes to go. No time to waste, there are balls to be sucked out of the straws of our boba tea from the place down the street. Finally, the most scandalous act of all, falling asleep on the couch after a heavy grinding session in our favorite video game.  
TT: Only the most unseemly activities for us.  
TT: Vivid enough?  
GT: Eep. Very vivid.   
GT: I do like boba? The gummy texture is enjoyable.   
GT: Um.   
GT: Goodness.   
GT: Im not sure anything i might add could improve upon the er colorful nature of these proposals.   
GT: However i do see one glaring hole in these plans. In fact yes strider i do believe youve left the most important venture of all.  
TT: Oh?  
TT: Care to share what I could have possibly missed?  
TT: I think I covered most of the grounds.  
TT: Unless you mean...  
GT: Well i do believe you might have possibly promised me a kiss up there somewhere during that hullabaloo about marriage.   
GT: I mean that is how it might have come across is all. So im curious about how you seem to have jinked around bringing it up for your plans?  
GT: I MEAN i can always just elope off merrily with your brother i suppose if it comes down to it and leave you on your lonesome if thats what your committed to but   
GT: ...   
GT: Um yeah.  
TT: Out of everything you could asked for, you go for a kiss?  
TT: How modest.  
TT: You will be the recipient to many smooches throughout your time here.  
TT: The smoocher being me, if you so wish.  
TT: D will have to strife me for it.   
TT: Is that the only thing I left off?  
GT: I dunno it was the most flagrantly absent thing i suppose.   
GT: Do you mean it?  
TT: I mean it.  
TT: Shades off, Strider's honor.  
TT: Have you decided what you're going to do for the rest of the night?  
GT: Currently my plans have boiled down to lying here and grinning like a fool at the ceiling.   
GT: Please picture yours truly wriggling around with elation ohhhh i didn’t think youd say it dirk im so excited.  
TT: You really are such a dork.  
TT: I'll let you in on a little secret.  
TT: I may or may not be kicking my feet and spinning around (slightly) in my chair.  
TT: Please picture *yours* truly doing as much.  
TT: Let it be noted neither of us specified where the kisses would be placed.  
TT: It makes me even more excited to live out my word.  
GT: I may be a dork but youre an absolute nerd and you know it!  
GT: I am going to let grandma know first thing tomorrow that im going to come with her to america! Because rest assured my friend i have a number of locales that i am interested in applying my lips to.  
TT: I'm looking forward to it.  
TT: I'll tell D to open the secret SBAHJ vault in the basement for you. Maybe you can sleep in it.  
TT: Under the watchful eye of Jeff himself.  
GT: Only if you come with! It would be a lame slumber party without your jocular presence.   
GT: Oh and tell me, is this secret vault particularly soundproof? On account of the number of movie marathons we will no doubt be relishing at all hours. Wouldnt want to keep your bro up. ;)8  
TT: Of course I'll be coming with, that's my room.  
TT: D won't even be in the house. We can be as loud as we want, doing whatever we want.  
TT: And that's a promise.  
GT: I will absotively hold you to that youd better believe it!   
GT: And *thats* a promise too.   
GT: Are you getting too sleepy on me yet?  
TT: Not unless you're getting sleepy.  
TT: Told you I'd keep you company until lights out, not going back on that now.  
TT: All this excitement wearing you out?  
GT: Not a whit!   
GT: Truth be told i would be surprised if i slept much at all tonight haha. Im a bit wound up im afraid.   
GT: I think if i made an attempt at sleep i would be much more likely to just stare giddily into the darkness? Youve put me in a bit of a tizzy!  
TT: That's sad.  
TT: I was going to say something along the lines of "See you in my dreams." But I can't do that if you're grinning like a fool into your pillow.  
TT: And I don't think joining you would make things any better.  
TT: Don't know what would happen if I was close enough to you.   
TT: I might giggle. Striders never giggle. Especially with happiness like that.  
TT: A smile, sure, I think you've earned that. You'll have to work for a giggle.  
TT: Can't just toss them out like candy when I get in your space.  
GT: Ah youll have to give me a shot then because i bet i could make you giggle. It might be a bit presumptious to say but i dont think youre quite as reserved as you think you are.   
GT: I may have to wrestle you down to the floor first but i think i could extract at least a couple giggles from you. Maybe even an undignified snort if i really work for it hm?   
GT: Do tell me strider are you at all ticklish?  
TT: Hey now.   
TT: Watch your mouth.  
TT: I will not have you slandering me like this. Smearing my name.   
TT: I will tell you the honest truth: I am indeed ticklish but you will never find out where.  
TT: Besides, wrestling me to the floor will do a lot more than make me giggle.  
TT: And not if I tickle you first.  
GT: Will it now?   
GT: Um is it coming on too strong if i say that i most certainly could figure out where youre ticklish if i manage to pin you down enough to lick you all over?  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Now that’s an image.  
TT: I am much more ticklish if you use your tongue. You are guaranteed to get a reaction out of me that way.  
TT: The guarantee does not provide what reaction you will receive. Just that you will get one, if not many.  
TT: Is it cheating if I tell you my mouth may be ticklish? You might have to test it. It’s been a while.  
GT: You dont say! In that case i will have to make a most thorough investigation with my own mouth.   
GT: And tongue! As promised.   
GT: And if that doesnt get a wriggle from you i can think of a few spots nearby that might.  
TT: There are a few places I can think of that would entice a reaction.  
TT: Guess we’ll just have to experiment. See what sticks.  
TT: Would you allow me the pleasure of doing the same to you?  
TT: Though a good tussle would be nice and all, I can think of a few other ways to get you pinned down and marked up that would arguably be a lot more fun.   
TT: All in the name of science, of course.  
GT: Oh well if it’s for science i see no reason why not!   
GT: One must be very thorough when using the scientific method you know. Run multiple trials and such. Compare results.  
TT: Looks like you'll be spending a lot of time here.  
TT: Might have to restate the hypothesis a couple times. Do multiple trials.  
TT: And make sure it's replicable. We can even test that ourselves.  
TT: Don't know about sharing my work, though.  
TT: Kind of like having you to myself.  
GT: Hm but is it really science if it isnt presented for evaluation?   
GT: Perhaps well have to demonstrate and peer review each others work.   
GT: Ahem now strider you see if i suck right here for three seconds before biting down it produces the following three reactions. That sort of thing!  
TT: Fine.  
TT: Constructive criticism only.  
TT: Such as "harder," "more," and the like.  
TT: This conversation sure got out of hand, didn't it?  
TT: First you marry my brother, then you give me a hickey.  
GT: Ah but whats a little infidelity between bros.   
GT: And well if things go to plan i expect i may be giving you more than just one singular hickey.   
GT: Also just between you and me i dont think your brother is aware of his newfound nuptials. Best to leave him in ignorance most likely.  
TT: Oh, so I should not send him a text congratulating him on his marriage?  
TT: And on his husband visiting to make sweet science with me in the SBAHJ room?  
TT: Got it. Deleting now.  
GT: YES DELETE THAT AT ONCE!  
GT: You may apprise him of my visit to YOU and you alone. Think you got that strider? Is that a task you think you can handle?   
GT: Wouldnt want you to bite off more than you can chew.  
TT: I can handle you.  
TT: Give me all you've got, English.  
TT: I think you're the one who's going to have to prepare to take on me.  
TT: I can be a handful.  
GT: Ha! As if i didnt already know that one.   
GT: I *have* been your friend for a good number of years you know.   
GT: You are indeed enough to spill out over two cupped handfuls and require the spontaneous growth of extra appendages for juggling.   
GT: But well.   
GT: I enjoy you an awful lot. You are a clever delight and a terrible looker and well worth the occasional turmoil.  
TT: Likewise.  
TT: You can be a stubborn pain in the ass but I wouldn't want it any other way.  
TT: You're very you, and I like you.  
TT: I think that's the hardest message I've had to send. Funny, considering all I've sent tonight with no problem.  
TT: Such as: mind using those extra appendages on me sometime?  
GT: Youve reached the phone of jake english he cant pick up right now because he died of TERMINAL BLUSHING. *clears throat*   
GT: But yes definitely. Sometime. It would um. It would be my pleasure frankly.   
GT: Haha it sure is a warm night tonight.  
TT: And here I thought we could continue our subtle pseudo-sexting.  
TT: If it's blushing you to an uncomfortably warm death, it might be in my best interest to stop.  
TT: Wouldn't want to cross you off the map before I've even touched you.  
TT: Really, Jake, I'm not even there.  
TT: That is to say... what would you do if I was?  
TT: That was a joke.  
GT: Um! If you were here i would actually probably be wearing more clothes than i am now?? Which is none. Because it is in fact a hot muggy evening and who needs clothes when youre all alone really.   
GT: Which is not to say that i would necessarily NEED to be dressed to the nines if you were here but i likely would be out of sheer propriety if nothing else.   
GT: Unless you werent joking i mean because then i might be hypothetically persuadable.  
TT: You'd put more clothes on if I was there? How disappointing.  
TT: Clothes are nice when you're alone. Boxers in particular.  
TT: Gotta keep the goods out of sight. Never know when someone will burst through your door looking for the tweezers.  
TT: Do you sleep naked? I can't imagine doing that.  
TT: Waking up in the middle of the night would be an unpleasant experience with everything out in the open.  
GT: Thats what blankets are for dumbass.   
GT: And maybe you live in air conditioned sterility that makes it too cold to sleep without clothes on indoors but i like to leave the windows open so it gets warm in here.   
GT: Besides ive seen grandma naked its not a big deal really if youre used to it.   
GT: You should try it sometime its very freeing! Or if you dont i will simply apply myself to tricking you into sleeping in the nude. *Winks and aims a single phalangeal pistol at you*  
TT: Well excuse me.  
TT: I don't like my bare ass touching my blankets.  
TT: I rub my face on my blanket. I don't like the connection there.  
TT: You won't have to do much to get me out of my clothes.  
TT: Or keep me out of them.  
TT: You're very persuasive.  
GT: I take it youre of the opinion that asses and mouths dont combine then? I will store this knowledge away safely for future use.   
GT: And i certainly dont mind being termed persuasive if it means getting up close and personal with those freckly shoulders youve got.  
TT: Pfft.   
TT: That’s a very different situation and will be explored at a later date.  
TT: My shoulders are always out and ready for business.  
TT: The tat, too. If you wanna be my lover, you gotta love on the tat.   
TT: I’ll be happy to get an eyeful of the rug you’ve got underneath your shirt.   
TT: And everywhere else. I think my body hair was taken away so you could have more of it.  
GT: Ugh no way bro im YOUR lover not hella jeffs.   
GT: I sure he gets more than enough tongue action without requiring my contributions!   
GT: But um by all means gaze away if it so tickles your fantasy. And whenever it tickles your fancy!  
TT: Come on, man.  
TT: You want to fuck in the SBAHJ room but can't even bring yourself to give Jeff himself a little smooch?  
TT: For shame.  
TT: I will be gazing upon your magnificent love carpet while I stay awake at night due to my lack of clothing.  
TT: Haunted by my dick roaming free, I will find comfort in your fluff.  
TT: I will only know true peace buried in your chest hair, Jake.  
GT: Fine by me! Ill gladly be embraced by your mournful midnight self if it means not having to give hella jeff a peck on his oddly y shaped lips.   
GT: Besides my interest in the sbahj room is not purely sexual! Were going skinnydipping remember? There will be other locales of interest for canoodling.  
TT: Please don't tell me you're planning on getting frisky in my neighbor's pool.  
TT: Like, okay, kind of hot, but.  
TT: There are much better places.  
TT: How about a grand piano in front of a window? You know, movie style shit. Suit your tastes?  
TT: I can make it happen.  
GT: What are you on about i have seen so many films wherein friskalicious youth have ill advised liaisons in swimming pools.   
GT: Not that im opposed to any settings youre thinking of. Do you even own a piano? Id settle for a baby grand if i got to see you leaning against it all debonair and alluring.  
TT: Sure, let's do it. Your job to clean up the spunk, though, or answer the door when the poolboy flings a soggy paper bag at you. Because he'll know. They always do.  
TT: Yeah, we have a piano. I'll have you know I'm pretty great at playing Happy Birthday on it.  
TT: You want to do the number from Shrek 2? I can lay seductively across the piano and sing about how I need a hero *while* playing it, really get you going.  
TT: Jessica Rabbit dress and all. You want a fur shawl? Done. Extravagant makeup? Done. Wand? Done.  
TT: Prepare to be wowed.  
GT: *Dutifully prepares self*  
GT: WOWZA! My god dirk what a total babe you are. Ive been missing out all these years when i couldve had you decked out for me all along.   
GT: Say if i ask nicely enough what else would you wear for me hm??  
TT: I know what you're getting at.  
TT: I will not cosplay an Avatar character unless you ask very nicely. Very, very nicely.  
TT: Otherwise, my wardrobe is your wonderland.  
TT: I've got a couple things you might find interesting without having to add to it, though.  
TT: One of which being a fursuit D custom ordered for me for my birthday.  
TT: If you're into that.  
GT: Oh i think im capable of asking nicely dont you?   
GT: And i am absolutely down for the yiff dude do you know me or what.  
GT: Im pretty sure grandma has a fursuit actually. I saw something distinctly eared and furry in her closet this one time.   
GT: But i suppose it depends on the type of fur youre suggesting which i am very interested in hearing about!  
GT: But it might have to be another night. I am finally starting to feel the prickles of slumber itching at me.  
TT: About time, dude.  
TT: I can feel the sun through my blinds.  
TT: I’ve become nocturnal for you.  
TT: See you in my dreams, pretty boy?  
GT: Oh you friggin know it. *double pistols and a wink*  
GT: I will visit your diurnal slumbers in my prettiest regalia which is to say  
GT: In the nude. ;)  
GT: Message me when you wake up?  
TT: Birthday suit best suit.  
TT: Looking forward to it.  
TT: Sure, expect it in about three hours.  
TT: No rest for the wicked.  
GT: And wicked we shall certainly be.   
GT: Adieu sleep tight and hopefully ill be by to nibble you by night.  
GT: <3?  
TT: Didn't know you had a thing for that.  
TT: <3  
TT: Rest well.  
GT: <3!!!

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 01:03 --

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song PILLOWTALK by ZAYN


End file.
